I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
