I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
