isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
