I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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