I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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