So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
