I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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