My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
