1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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