So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
