I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
