Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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