Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
