the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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