I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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