it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
