Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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