literally had 100 drinks last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A+ Viking dick
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
