there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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