I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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