This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize