did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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