Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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