Small penises have feelings too.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
