Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
FUCK WHALES
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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