SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
