don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize