I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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