Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
