I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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