Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
