I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize