I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
