her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
