it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
