Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize