you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
