Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
