do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
