Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
