Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
