Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
