That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
