Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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