Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
