I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
