i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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