you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
