dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
