I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
