day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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