4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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