honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
