shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
