Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
