Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
