You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
