im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
