So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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