Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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