I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
