Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
