I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
