Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
