there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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