She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
