break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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