He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
