i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
