How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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