the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
