i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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