just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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