Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
