So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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