So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
