some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
