Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
